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Dear Susan,
Firstly sincere apologies for not replying sooner. I have been busy having a birthday, so went South to visit my family staying over with my youngest son and spending a joyous time with a friend. All was wonderful and I was spoilt at all quarters. I am indeed a lucky lady!
Now the weather here in the Village is as dismal as can be, with much rain and the chilly winds blowing the orange and golden leaves into messy piles with puddles forming along the lanes.The trees taking on the look of black scarecrows waving their long arms. The afternoons are early dark so the evenings and nights appear longer. I am already longing for the Spring…
I read your letter and could feel your pain leaping from the page. Days now for you are the hardest and for all those in early grieving not easy. For folk who have never lost a loved one it is hard for them to imagine the engulfing all consuming pain, that threatens at times to overwhelm. The confusion you feel right now I can remember so well. The waking and the terrible feeling of loss that floods your consciousness is hard to bear but we do bear it you know. As time goes by, we can for part of the day desire to remember so fondly, these special loves of ours. And so as the months pass by it will get better and not be so painful – I promise you this. Going backwards and forward in the path of grief, is how to me, this painful emotion unfolds, to become something we can manage.
Tomorrow will be two years for me since Hamada’s death – how can that be? I miss him so naturally the same way that I take a breath each day, he is so much a part of me. It is the time of your thanksgiving celebrations – I shall be thankful for having known this oh! so special man and for the joy he brought into my life, thankful for the gentleness of him, of him loving me and our wonderful time together. I know you will find this holiday very painful and will spend most of the time looking back, thinking of your beloved Dan. Try if you can to think joyously, bringing lightness into your heart, it is difficult I know and somewhat flippant for me to say but I know this can help to think of all he brought into your life during your years together.All that was yours and his alone – precious and unique and perhaps known only to you two. Preserve these memories and hold them close. This day of Thanksgiving will pass like all the others… Embrace your family and your memories of Dan.
I understand well the different feelings of your girls. I faced this too with my boys – they knew well my pain of course, they only had to look at their Mother to see the light had gone out from her eyes. But they were hurting too. My Grandson was in terrible pain – something that worried me so very much but with the help of his good Mother and Father and continued counselling he is doing very well now. As my sister said the other day ” we all miss him so” It is not just us that are raw with pain in the early days. Discussion of my emotions was hard with my sons, for when I saw them they so wanted to cheer me up, not recall my pain. They listened of course but I think they feared of upsetting me all over again. I leaned against them but my youngest son ‘swallowed his pain’ and still does I feel. Your girls will act differently from each other, will be different emotionally but they will adjust to their loss in their own way, for time does take care of that.
Life will never be the same for any of us that have experience such amazing people in our lives and then watch them suffer in the way they did and for so long enduring it all and their absolute bravery. Your beautiful caring daughters watched this over the years too, as my sons saw the terrible changes in dear Hamada and they watched my knowing loss and final acceptance. I salute our precious people, for they deserve much admiration in their forbearance too
I feel I cannot wish you a “Happy Thanksgiving” but you know dear one – we do have much to be thankful for – the love we both knew and experienced with these two wonderful men. The strength we had to learn but would rather have not, the insight into something profound and spiritual – it was a lot and I am thankful now that there is peace.
Blessings and Peace to you dear friend.
Susie x