Like all the days before.
And all the days that come.
I am thinking of you.
Where are those dark eyes of my pleasure?
The warm gentle smile, our kisses.
I can hear you, I can smell you.
I have so much to tell you.
The clearest visions in my mind,
are of your beautiful hands.
Shuffling the cards or counters of “tawlahâ€
I miss our games! I miss so much
your calm movements, your voice,
your love…
I feel your presence but cannot find you.
The world is going crazy, do you know of that?
I wonder what you would have said?
I know you would be proud of me.
You always were.
Everyone says I’m doing well.
Doing all you told me to do.
Perhaps I need more practice
I always needed more practice!
Remember? (smile)
I don’t need to shut my eyes to see you.
Your presence is always here.
In that place I carry around with me.
Do you know its almost three months
I’m thinking of you today
Like every day.
I’m thinking of you…
What a beautiful expression of the sentiments in your heart. It must be so very hard…
Wonderful words Susie and they give me a pain at the same time I know how much you miss your man, or really I can only guess.
We miss him too and often hear his voice and think of him. He will always be with all of us, someone like Hamada will never leave our hearts. Be strong my dear Sister for him x
Such beautiful words, Susie. And so many I can relate directly to … “I don’t need to shut my eyes to see you. Your presence is always here. In that place I carry around with me…I’m thinking of you today. Like every day.”
Oh Susie,
Such beauty and pain, joy and love intermingled in an outpouring of joyous memories and heartaching grief…… to simply call this a poem could never do it justice; it is an immense tribute to the amazing and unique relationship you had – and still have- with Hamada.
I have absolutely no doubt that he prays constantly for you, from that Blessed Place where he now rests !
A truly touching creation again, Susie, and I feel you have another collection brewing for those who have lost a dear one to reflect on their feelings which they might not be able to put into the delicate words you have found to express the many emotions of loss.
Although times are very hard for you,your smile is always there,although your eyes cant hide the pain,you still manage to put your thoughts and feelings into the most beautiful words for all to share. I think of you often Dear Susie,and truely admire you. Keep writing,its your therapy,its what keeps you strong.Beautiful,heartfelt piece once again. Lots of love Karen xxx
Beautiful, simply beautiful……….but in tears now 🙁
Thank you, Susie, for your constant reminder that, despite the well-meaning intentions of friends and relatives who urge me to hurry up and get over it, it is absolutely essential that we embrace the suffering and see it through. It will take as long as it takes. I will re-read your beautiful poem on March 12, which will mark four months since I lost my sweetheart.
Thank you dear people for your lovely comments of appreciation of why I need to write ‘my feelings out’. You are most kind and generous with your words.
@Bex. I would never wish you tears dear one. X
@ John. I cannnot understand how anyone can possibly think you can ‘hurry along’ grief. For if they do, it can only mean they have never experienced real loss. Or perhaps never experienced real love? We are all unique and as you rightly say it will take as long as it takes. For some, they may never manage to let go of the grief they feel.
I do know life will never be the same again (for me) how could it be but I do not wish to burden my close family with my continuous sadness, they know only too well how I feel. My poems help me some, to ‘shout the grief out’ but as everyone says my eyes tell another story.
Stay strong and continue with your wonderful memories of your precious wife. Never worry what anyone thinks, there may always be a place within you that remains hollow – value it. This quiet, abiding feeling, may be one of God’s ways of sustaining the connection to our precious loved ones. Blessings and peace.
Susie, another poem that speaks so eloquently of how you love and feel. And it reaches me on every level – I feel my own thoughts and intuition in your words. Wonderful xx
Susie, Can I just tell you “Thank You!” Thank you to you and Hamada, your family, your friends, your life. You have brought us all along on this amazing journey with all its highs and all its lows, its humor, its joy, its worry and fear. I was captured by the picture you painted with your words, again. The sweet memories intertwined with the quiet sorrow. It made me cry. But while my tears are sad, they are also proud, proud to know you and proud of how you share your remembrances of the one you cherished. You are amazing.
I can only say a humble “thank you Lori” You words are too generous x
I’m back here, in my little office in Providence. It’s three-thirty in the morning. My wife lies in bed, in the home we built, I’m picturing her now, softly breathing, pillow in my place, the cats snuggled on either side. She’s alone, and I’m alone, but we are connected, and when I get back where I belong I will kiss her, and watch her hands as she turns the pages of her book, and breathe the air she breathes, and listen to her voice, and hear what she says. And I’ll make her laugh, because I love to hear that. I hear it now, even though she is far away, and I’m here, thinking about her. Some day, I’ll be gone, or she will be gone and I only hope our memories are as fond as yours.
Thank you for sharing them, and letting me know that there is grace, and love, and happiness, albeit tinged with sorrow, but bearable, and sacred in its own right.
I walk under “Hamada’s Tree” often, the Hawk has not returned. He must be off doing hawk things, but I will never forget what happened that cold day in December, when Hamada was laid to rest, and I felt his presence from so many miles away. It was real, and it fills me with hope whenever I think of it.
Goodnight, Susie, and peace to you, Hamada.
@ Boo. Thank you Boo – It really pleases me to know that the words I write can reach you heart. Peace and Hugs dear Ladyx
@ Michael. Oh! that was a lovely comment Michael. I could feel the love you have for your wife jump-off the page. Build those memories everyday, for that is for sure what carries you through the sad days of bereavement. All those special secret times that lovers share. I recall these time with joy. His wonderful voice- I long to hear once again-his laughter too and yes his special much talked about smile.
I am not surprised that you felt Hamada’s presence ‘that day’. You made a connection with him and he with you, through your book and your wonderful writing. I am SO glad that this brings you peace. Hamada was a unique and special man just as you are Michael.