I miss you before my mind reaches consciousness
I miss your smile when I leave my dreams.
Missing you is the light of morning and the dusk of eventide,
it is all the hours in between too.
I talk to you as I pass your door, I hear your call in the night to me and I hear your feet touch the floor in the hallway.
Missing you is the sun glinting on snow or the foggy gloominess of tearful days.
It’s smelling your clothes as I pack them away…when I don’t want to part with them but know I should.
It is this pain I carry heavily around in my heart every day that all know about but that no one can see.
Missing you is the tears that try to overwhelm me with their hot painfulness, that jump out to catch-me when I least expect them. That make me feel foolish when they trickle unasked down my face.
Missing you is the place that is always yours at the table; it is not wanting to sit there ever again but knowing I must.
Where were you when we all sat with garish Christmas hats that you always managed to wear and still look cute?
I was thinking of you then and all the time when laughter surrounded me, when I heard your voice out of the mouth of another, seeing your smile in my mind and on the face of a stranger!
I miss your talks with me at the end of every day, your dear sweet words of love…more than I could miss the air I breathe.
Missing you is the crisp white snow melting in a river of tears, that flow from eyes that seldom cried.
I miss too much your dark ‘chocolate coloured’ eyes, even missing the look of pain they carried in recent years. I miss the way they always searched for me. Are they searching for me now?
Missing you is the hardest thing I have ever done….or will I ever do…
Ray of Light Photo: Janey Johnson Photos.
Oh Susie I think of you often. I so hope that the sharp edge of grief softens over time. xx
Susie,
I can only gain a glimpse of what **you** are going through by means of your powerful and heart-breakingly wonderful poetry.
I so wish there were words I could say to make the pain a little more bearable for you, but there are no such magic words.
It does gradually and eventually become easier to live with the feelings, that I can say…….
sending hugs,
Sian
One can only imagine your grief and with it the knowledge that one day I may too be in your position. Be brave, be strong and know that your beloved Hamada watches over you and is loving you as always.
Love and hugs – Maureen
Such beautiful words, Susie. I understand. We will forever miss our special men, but I pray that you will find peace in the days ahead ♥
Sending hugs, dear lady.
Susie, firstly let me say how sorry I am for your enormous loss. Your poetry has reached out to me this evening and brought tears, however they are tears of empathy, understanding and love. I did meltdown though when you referred to Hamada as “habibi” … as I was born in Bahrain, and it just really affected me. For some inexplicable reason it just became very clear just what you had lost. I lost my husband two years ago and he too left this world thinking of me, worrying if I would be alright. How privileged to be loved by such men, who even as they are dying, worry not of themselves but only of us. That said, I am sure they are harder to miss.
Wishing you strength and peace for 2011.
Boo x
Your poems bring tears to my eyes because of the fear of my own future. And, it scares me…..
I ache for you.
Thank you lovely people for taking time to place your kind comments here bringing me comfort with your words
@ Boo Mayhew. Thank you also Boo Mayhew, your first time here I think. Thank you for your kind words of understanding. I am so sorry to read of your loss also, such difficult and sad days for us both. I will continue to read your blog and sincerely wish you peace and better days to come.
@ Sarah Thank you for taking time to leave your kind comment. Please try not to look to the future too much, just live these precious days to the full now. Make everyday as much of a ‘masterpiece’ as you can.
The lovely simple acts of kindness you give each other now are the things you will remember.
I was touched by your words. My husband died of blood cancer (acute myelogenous leukemia) after a stem cell transplant that was successful. But there were many other complications. It’s been 5 years now; still miss him.
Only a man whose life was well lived could leave such powerful memories. He speaks through you, and I hear him loud and clear.
@ Thelma: Thank you for your comment and I am so sorry that you have had to suffer the pain of bereavement also. I sincerely hope things are a little easier now.
@ Michael: Yes, how right you are about a life well lived, a good and wise man for sure. I learnt a lot about this world of ours from him. Blessings dear friend.
Such beautiful words, Susie. I understand. We will forever miss our special men, but I pray that you will find peace in the days ahead ♥
Thank you Mae, indeed we will, for they were special men to love.
Wishing you peace and comfort also. as ‘missing’ is such a terribly hard emotion to live alongside. All very best wishes.