Hamada has spoken very little during the last two days, managing only to smile and greet the family who have all been here at "Hemingway" this weekend. I know by his smiles that he has enjoyed so much, seeing them all during this bittersweet weekend.
Jo gave his father a wonderful shave, something that I was not managing to do very well! It was a wonderful time of family closeness. I received some of the best much needed hugs, which have given me more courage to continue after this long worrying week.
After everyone had left I managed to get Hamada to his favourite chair in the sitting room during the early evening, thus giving me time to put fresh linens on his bed. He was not speaking at all during this time not eating anything, just dozing on and off. During the middle of the evening he became more agitated and seemed a little distressed so I helped him back to the safety of his bed.
As I settled him down for the night he spoke, his voice clear for the first time in two days. He was tearful and told me that he was very tired now but needed to say something, struggling to find the words he said that he did not think he could continue any further, almost as if he was asking for permission to go. I let him know gently that it was now time for him to rest and for him not to be concerned about anything but sleeping now. He spoke about his love for me and his worries of leaving me and I reassured him that I would be fine, his beautiful words brought a few gentle tears to us both. I laid my face close to his as he settled into a very calm deep sleep and so a time of loving observation and a night vigil for me began. It is now 6am and Hamada is still sleeping, his breathing just a gentle rhythm in the quietness of the house and as I go for my shower I wonder what this new day will bring and is it time now?
Susie,
my heart is aching for you both. All I can do is to pray for you both, which I am doing with all my heart. Love from us all. xx
All my love to you both. We all had a lovely weekend – I hope a little laughter and support for you both.
You know where we are.
Susie I can’t adequately something put into words. We are thinking of you and hope everything is as easy as it can be. Love and a digital hug. xx
a beautiful weekend, what a wonderful support all our amazing family are, at times of worry we still manage to laugh and relax with them for a while. Who knows what these days ahead will bring but we will be by your side for the rest of the journey. x
Susie I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now, but remember that you both much loved, and you are both incredibly brave, strong people. Love light and blessings xxxxx
Dear Susie – My heart aches for all of you and I am helpless to control my tears. My hope is there will be many more special moments in the time left, however long that may be. I won’t repeat Jo’s expression the other day, but he is so right!! I pray for peace and comfort be with both you and Hamada. With Love always, Lora
Susie;
Thank you for sharing.
John
Oh Susie. Our precious men have traveled such similar paths along their MM journeys. My heart breaks for you, while also being grateful that Hamada was able to share his feelings with you. You will find that time to be a blessing, my dear. Today marks 2 months since my dear Vern passed and the tears are flowing for my loss and for your heavy heart. Hold him close ♥
I adore you Susie. Your strength, your courage, your love for your man, your sense of what is the right time, when and where for what is the next step. For giving Hamada a clear and unfettered path to make his decisions maintaining his dignity and grace. You are my heroes. Your whole family, you and Hamada. I’m in awe.
My dear friend. Even though we have never met my heart is breaking for you. I just felt I needed to send you a message to tell you that the tears flow for you as you go through this. It just brings into perspective what I have to someday face with Bruce. Please take care and know you have many people thinking about you.
Jan Bertsche
Dearest Susie and family,
My heart breaks for you and I am at a loss for words at this sad time but rest assured that you have the love and support of ALL your family and friends!!!! Be strong dear friend……a zillion hugs I send your way….. Judy xx
I have been feeling this tension of departure since your last posting and hearing that Hamada wanted you to know of his love for you, his concerns for your well-being certainly affirmed what you must suspect is looming. And my heart is both heavy with the wrenching separation that will come and yet curiously joyous knowing that there is so much love that has been a part of this journey that it cannot be defiled by this ending of this part of it.
Love knows no boundaries, there is no space or time that separates the beloved one from another, love – like space – goes on and on. I know that you know this and I know that you and Hamada have this kind of love for each other that will see you through this… he will go through the door first, and wait for you to come to meet up with him one day.
My deepest and heartfelt thoughts are with you now.
Susie,
You are the one with the words – ours are inadequate, other than to say we are thinking of you both. Hugs.
Thank you dear people for the above comments, your loving thoughts and kindness.